Jouska: An Imaginary Conversation You Spontaneously Play out in Your Brain - English
On the pendulum of existence, swinging between the inner and outer universes
A wider and richer web of communication exists between people than meets the eye.
If speech is the outline of this network, then unvoiced communication is the capillaries that make up the whole channel. Glances, facial expressions and gestures, insinuations, and sometimes a mere posture. We send messages in every possible way
Nevertheless, the tendency toward “using voice” may differ.
If you are an extrovert, you naturally vocalize out your thoughts and feelings. It is what it is, plain and clear. But if you are an introvert, the silent dialogues beneath the surface are much richer, since the flow is much more unfiltered in the slippery inner world than outside. Inside the mind, feelings are unseen; they rush in hustle and bustle, passing from shape to shape, yet less often reaching conclusions.
As an introvert, I have been having a weird experience often: I talk inwardly to another person.
That person is not present with me at that moment—maybe never was—but I talk to them as if they were standing in front of me. Now, it's a relief to learn this experience has a name in English, Jouska, because I realize that I'm not alone.
My imaginary chat friends are, if not Beyonce or George Clooney, usually the ones that I wouldn't dare to talk with; a conversation within my head avoiding any disclosure is obviously easier.
Okay, but… Why is all this theater?
The answer is more obvious than its remedy: lack of courage.
In the world of the unspoken word, even the most courgage-demanding acts are allowed without limits. You can swear at the president or declare your love for a married woman; you can patronize them or annoy them in your imaginary world. The sky is the limit.
Whereas, being vocal brings consequences, and you take risks. Yet if your words are not actually spoken out, there are neither consequences nor responsibilities.
The most fun benefit of talking to yourself is that it is always possible to make amends for words left unsaid.
You cannot take back a word you have said to someone. It is now a part of your mutual history; it is physical and cannot be erased. Maybe possible in parallels in the quantum universe, but not in our experience, so the person you swore to today will remember it when they wake up tomorrow.
Time doesn't have the service of erasing an event that has happened or rewinding life. Whereas, no one has heard the conversation going on in your head; no one has made judgments or accused you. In a world with no goalkeeper, you can score as many goals as you want.
As you would agree, having a seemingly silent conversation with someone offers significant benefits. However, the negatives cannot be ignored.
First of all, jouska is like a snake trying to catch its own tail. No action, no success.
An unvoiced conversation does not produce any results that originate from the outside world. It's obvious that you feel compelled to express something; there are conditions that you wish to change. Unless the person you need to talk to hears your needs, no change will occur. So, your conversations within yourself would only affect you, not any other person.
Furthermore, jouska is not gentle at all; it's wild. Avoids providing the littlest relief or catharsis. While it's icy cold outside, your world is burning under a fire, yet nobody is aware.
Once again, we have hit one of the great contradictions of existence.
The pendulum of our soul lies in an endless oscillation between our inner world and the outer. Someone's is always tending towards the outside world, while others are always running inward. The latter are souls that are content to look out of the window.
Nothing can substitute for speaking openly, but fortunately there are various ways of self-expression, like art.
A letter, an essay, or even a story; or a painting.
Finding an authentic way to express your world through art is an excellent way to prevent your unfulfilled desires and unseen needs from building up dark castles inside you. Art is a unique path to reaching catharsis. Perhaps even the only way.
Having written all of these, I can't help thinking:
If Dostoevsky had been skilled at vocally communicating, could he have been the master of portraiting human character through writing?
What about you? Which is your way in life?
Till next week,
— Gulsun