Mokita: The Papua New Guinean Word for “the Elephant in the Room”

Elephants, knives, presence, sweeping under the carpet, writing as a therapy

Behind the negative things that happen to us in life, there are almost always deep-rooted problems and reasons, whether we realize it or not. Even accidents are not usually truly accidents. They are the result of some negative habits or emotions.

You cut your hand while chopping lettuce in the kitchen. You may regard it as an ordinary accident that happens several times in your life. But the truth is, it’s the result of being non-present in the moment. Your mind is on a job that needs to catch up the next day or a problem with your partner. You are physically in the kitchen but mentally elsewhere. Your hand is under the control of the knife, like a car without a driver. As a consequence, this situation ends with a result that leaves your hands in blood. Most of the time, we are not present in the moment, and this leads us to innocent-looking accidents. 

The inability to stay in the moment is not the only cause of the unpleasant things that happen to us, there are worse ones as well. According to my forty-year life experience, realities that are known by everyone but not voiced are at the top of the list of trouble-maker reasons. In Western society, it is also referred to as "the elephant in the room.” The analogy here is that there is a massive elephant in the room that ruins everything as it moves. Despite the fact that it cannot be ignored, no one talks about it as if it’s invisible. One of those funny but real things.

In Papua New Guinea, these facts that everyone knows but no one talks about are given a name. Mokita

Mokita generally exists within all communities, more or less. In Papua New Guinea, a community's health is evaluated by the number of mokitas it has. This, I believe, applies everywhere. For example, at your workplace, everyone despises your boss because he is disrespectful and dumb. On the other hand, no one can expose this because the company's general manager is also a personal friend.

Or you sweep lots of issues in your marriage under the carpet without speaking about them, as if they don't exist if you make them invisible. The bad news is that when troubles are swept under the rug, they don't die of suffocation, but instead grow stronger and transform into a large elephant that roams the room wildly and damages everything. And then you realize you're in divorce court, and looking down the aisle wondering where you went wrong.

Mokita is applicable not only to communities but also to individuals. We have difficulties that we are aware of yet choose to ignore. Don't say, "I don't have such things, because I'm an open person." Everyone has mokitas; I'm sure at least two or three of them come to mind while you read this post.

In my opinion, the culture of being able to talk should be emphasized to avoid mokitas. We wouldn't even bother hiding anything if we could truly communicate and listen to one another genuinely. Of course, this is a complicated social subject that deserves its own post or even an academic study, so I'll leave it to sociologists and psychologists for the time being.

For the individual Mokita problem, I have a very effective and entertaining solution. to write.

Writing is easier than speaking. Especially if you're speaking to yourself. Try saying something terrible to yourself in the mirror if you've never done it before. Most of the time, it makes you feel so horrible that you can't even continue the talk. Writing is not so frightening. On the contrary, writing encourages you to talk about your difficulties without scaring you.

You don't feel as if your problems are being slammed in your face when you talk to yourself in the mirror. While writing, thoughts and feelings flow. If you make it a habit to write on a regular basis, it will act as therapy; it will relax you, and most of the time you will find the solutions on your own. This is why journalling is frequently advised for wellbeing.

Writing is a healer, it’s therapeutic. As someone who adores writing and reading, it may seem natural for me to say this, but you will not lose anything if you give it a try. Begin now, with a pen and paper, and write whatever comes to mind, without censoring, without looking back, and without any care for grammar rules or dots and commas.

Close your eyes after finishing the first page and notice how you feel. I'm sure you'll feel better right away and want to keep writing. And will you remember me with a smile?

We have arrived at the virtues of writing from Mokita, such a long way. It's normal if it's me writing.

Stay away from Mokita, and see you soon.