Taarof: Politeness that Emphasises Friendship and Hospitality - Persian
On the value of hospitality and also the different and sometimes interesting ways of doing it
When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.
Maya Angelou
One of the most obvious realities I've noticed while wandering through the world's cultures for months is how profound the cultural divide is between the eastern and western, southern and northern halves of the world. Every time I encounter this situation, it surprises and fascinates me.
Culture is such a diverse concept that it is deeply embedded in human capillaries and accepted by all segments of society.
We will be guests of an ancient Eastern culture this week. Because Turkey and Iran are neighbors and many Iranians live in Istanbul, that culture is not a stranger to me. Even, our dear doctor, who has saved my son's life numerous times, is an Iranian-born Turk. However, today’s word is a cultural concept that will be unfamiliar to many Westerners: Taarof
Taarof is actually a Persian word of Arabic origin. It includes the courtesy, etiquette, and hospitality of Persian culture. Eastern cultures are generally known for being hospitable, but this hospitality can sometimes take interesting forms.
I've never been to Iran, but from what I've read, the type of hospitality there is quite similar to that in eastern Turkey, so if I describe the hospitality in a Turkish house, I'm sure I'll be describing almost the same as in Iran.
Being invited as a guest to a house of Eastern origin in Turkey will give you an extraordinary and unforgettable experience. Because the guest is like a jewel in Turkish culture. Even if the host is poor, he offers his last meal to the guest at the expense of going hungry. The satisfaction of the guest is more valuable than anything else. The food that the house has is brought to the table and presented to the guests. Meats, olive oil dishes, desserts—any feast imaginable.
In addition, the guest's plate is filled to the brim. Even if it is impossible for you to finish the food on the plate, the host will not listen; the plate must be full. If you barely finished it, the second one is served. The host will never feel comfortable without making sure you gorge and thoroughly enjoy every meal and will not be pleased by making sure that you are well received.
But at the same time, one of the 'interesting' rules of Taarof and eastern culture is to reject the food offered to you by first thanking you. You politely decline, and the host insists on giving. Until the sincere courtesy of both parties is revealed, the guest can start their meal by taking their plate. This ceremony, which is repeated several times during each treat, is enjoyed by everyone in the house, like watching the rally in a tennis match. Even if the guest is starving, the first refusal is always done.
These rituals, which may seem extremely contrived and absurd to a Western mind, are a manifestation and nurturing element of respect, kindness, and even empathy for people in Eastern culture.
However, while the trace of this culture continues to a certain extent in us, my 12-year-old son and many young people do not practice such theatrical rituals. They prefer more direct communication. If you ask me, although the other one seems warm and familiar to me, direct communication is always much healthier.
Still, writing these lines reminded me of kindness. Because although this ceremony may sound insincere, it also represents the value of being a guest and being hosted. This reminds the warmth of being at home.
Notes & Reads:
The Persian art of etiquette is a story from the BBC explaining the real ‘taarof’ experience of a Westerner. It would give it its essence.
Next week's word is still a surprise to me, as I will delve into the world of words to find the one that appeals to me the most.
Have a nice week and weekend.
— Gulsun
If you enjoyed the post, you can support WoW by sharing it or subscribing to receive weekly newsletters. You can also simply click the heart which shows your enjoyment, and that would mean a lot to me.
I always learn so much from your posts! Thanks for sharing all this information!
Another beautiful word and a more wonderful tradition behind the word. Not an unfamiliar situation in the Eastern household to feed the guests even after they say no.