Laotong: Eternal Friendship Between Two Girls, Heart Kindred Sisters - Chinese

Female friendship as a special kind of relationship: Intense, sincere, and supportive

Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses… swapped back and forth and over again.

Michelle Obama

Very rarely can a relationship be compared with a strong bond between two girls. As tight as a heart’s muscle, intensive, tasteful, and supportive.

Women experience every emotion more intensely than men. Love, loyalty, anger, or detachment. If a man experiences a feeling at some level, a woman lives it at least twice. Friendship is no different.

Chinese has a special word for the friendship between two girls, kindred sisters: Laotong

Sounded weird? A friendship that is not special for all humans but for girls.

Photo by Baylee Gramling on Unsplash

You might be fearing that this article is going somewhere very feminist. It probably won't. As a woman, while my feelings and support are generally on the side of my female comrades, who have to start all of the races one step behind men, I believe that a one-gender world without men or women would be extremely boring and incomplete. Therefore, it would be unfair to make generalizations and to completely throw one gender against the wall and praise the other.

When it comes to relationships and friendships in particular, I think the strength of friendships can vary between men and women. Male-to-male friendships seem more straightforward, activity-specific, and "easier to implement". There is no need for subtlety; misunderstandings are almost nonexistent. It is extremely obvious.

Female-female friendships, on the other hand, are more nuanced, deep, and labor-intensive. At least from my point of view. When it comes to women, who are naturally detail-oriented, to think about all the subtle issues in life, friendships are naturally developed from such a perspective. Since women's empathy is more developed, their friendships are knitted with dozens of thoughtful behaviors or moments that empathy has brought over the years.

A woman understands.

Even if you don't obviously say something, your close friend feels what you are going through, what is happening, and the truth behind it. Most of the time, she helps and supports you even if you don't ask her to. This is why the survival rate of women who have breast cancer at an early age is four times higher than that of those who have fewer female friends.

I am one of the lucky ones in this regard. I have two sisters, whose existence I am grateful for. In addition to them, I have many friendships that have developed securely over the years.

I would wish for any girl to have good friends before good jobs or even good partners. They are such rare diamonds that one shouldn't miss them at any cost.

Notes & Reads:

• My Brilliant Friend, which is the first book of Neopolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante, portraits the friendship between two girls from very early ages through the lens of the more introverted one. It’s a realistic and touching novel that gives clues about the friendship between two girls.

• Beautiful World, Where Are You? by Sally Rooney is the story of two Irish women who are close friends. Both of them are protagonists; from one chapter to the next, they exchange the main role. Also, you can read their letters written to each other.

Next week we’ll be thinking around friendship, thankfully.

Have a great week.

Till next Friday,

— Gulsun

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