Nunchi: The Korean Word for the Art of Understanding and Paying Attention to Others' Moods

Eastern and Western cultures' approaches to social relations and emotional intelligence as a cure for all of us

This week, I'm bringing you a concept from the eastern part of the world. It’s a Korean word. Nunchi.

Nunchi is not a distant concept. Even a book, The Power of Nunchi: The Korean Secret to Happiness and Success, has been written about it. I'm surprised that I just recently discovered it. In any case, let me express my late epiphany using a Turkish proverb: Let it be late but not difficult.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Nunchi can be regarded as a gift of Korean culture to the rest of the world, similar to Scandinavian countries’ concepts like Hygge and Lagom. Nunchi is literally translated as "eye-measure" in English. However, "Nunchi is the art of sensing what people are thinking and feeling and responding appropriately," says Euny Hong in the NY Times.

Nunchi is a behavior that is taught to children in Korean homes and schools. It entails observing and comprehending the emotional states of others, such as when entering a crowded room, determining the general state of the people in the room, and directing your behavior accordingly.

Euny Hong, who studies and writes about Nunchi and believes it can help us be happier and more successful, writes in The Guardian:

…people with quick nunchi take the time to read the room, their chances of success in any social environment are high – they’re more likely to fit in and make connections and are less prone to coming across as clueless or incompetent, or of committing awkward faux pas.

Nunchi does not seem weird or distant to me as someone who lives in a country that is halfway between east and west and has traces of both. However, I would like to approach the subject from a slightly different point of view. I'd like to discuss a situation in my social relationships that I feel is lacking in my daily life.

People who avoid openly expressing their needs and, conversely, people who do not need to make an effort to understand the other person—and the inevitable communication gap created in our societies by these two situations.

In Turkish culture, which is a mix of the East and the West, many things are not said openly. Needs and messages are frequently implied, and sometimes not implied at all, but are expected to be understood. I understand that this situation appears absurd, unnecessary, and meaningless to many Westerners.

However, in Eastern culture, having to express one's feelings or wishes clearly may mean that the other party avoids making an effort to understand them and does not even care about them. This sounds insensitive to Easterners, and I understand the situation. On the other hand, trying to understand someone all the time can be extremely difficult. To express yourself more openly and loudly enough to be heard is a less difficult and cleaner way of building relationships.

I believe a balance between the two approaches is required. That, I believe, is also reflected in the concept of emotional intelligence. It is extremely valuable to be able to express our feelings, needs, and desires clearly, but it is also extremely valuable to be able to see and notice another person's situation. Then a fulfilling relationship can be formed.

What do you think about it? I would be delighted to hear that.

See you till next week.

---

Thanks for reading!

If you liked it, you could think about sharing it or becoming a supporter by joining "Words of the World" to receive future posts.